adventures in grace

There are many days when I miss the perks of America. Things like frozen yogurt, fresh salads or maybe freedom and comfort come to my mind when I think about home.

But I will be reunited with these things all too soon. Now is the time to enjoy the perks of living in India. So, for now, I enjoy really great meals at nice restaurants for only a few dollars, wonderfully cheap phone bills, learning (because I have to) to cook from scratch and getting the chance to hop on over to other countries for the weekend.

Yup-- this time next week, I'll be in Thailand. Why you ask? Ohhhh... because there was a summer sale going on and it sounded like a good idea. When is Thailand ever not a good idea? I really love it there-- wonderful markets, peaceful people, no stares or horns, amazing food fo cheap(!), and beaches!! Yes Lawd!

Friday can't come soon enough.

With only 6 months left in India (what.the.heck.), I am trying to see things with fresh eyes. We've had volunteers here for the summer-- some for a few months, some we've met have only come for a week or so. It's been interesting hearing what they think about so many things that have become the norm for you.

This place has a way of "chewing you up and spitting you out", a friend so delicately put it about living in India. So, I wasn't exactly surprised by the response of, "You live HERE?!?... Wait. You LIVE here?!??" when we told the 'one-weekers' India was our home. I just kinda smiled, nodded and affirmed them when they were talking about the street children, or the dirtiness, or smells, or whatever it is that first strikes you when you arrive in country.

I feel like India is a place with adventure waiting to happen. You walk out of the door not knowing what will await you. Many days, honestly, I am not up for it. Some days, I am tired and I long for the normalcy, familiarity and quiet of my days in America. Other days, I greet the starers with a smile and I over pay the taxi drivers.

So, it is with these thoughts that I will tell you about my morning yesterday. There is nothing special about it, but as I began thinking about it, I realized-- that would never happen in my homeland. Ever.

We began our day needing to make copies of some documents for our university. We figured we'd go across the street to this little stand we always go to. Apparently, everyone else had the same thoughts yesterday morning. So, as we are waiting in the heat, I feel a little nudge on my thigh. I look down and big brown eyes meet my gaze. He has his palm open and says he wants a biscuit (a cookie). He hangs around for a little bit as an older Bengali man gets in "line" behind us. The man is talking loudly about something, per usual. (My new theory is that all the old men 'talk' so loud because they have lost their hearing due to the deafening horns everyone blows all the time, but I guess that's another blog post all together.)

After a few minutes, it becomes our "turn" to get what we need copied. We tell the woman what we need, and she goes to the back. She comes back without our stuff, but is now talking to the people behind us. While waiting, two people manage to get everything they need done and leave before we have seen anything of ours. I began to address the Bengali man who is in the process of skipping us in line. Our little conversation looked something like this:

Me: We were here first! You can wait your turn. (I think I then turned and made a motion of trying to block him in line-- I have no shame.)

Man: YES-- THERE IS NEED OF DISCIPLINE! (All caps denotes he's yelling.)

Me: But, YOU are participating in...

Man: NO, I AM NOT. DISCIPLINE IS NEEDED.

Me: But when you are participating, you are doing the same...

Man: NO, SHE IS DOING THIS THING.

Seeing that he will not accept responsibility or let me finish my sentences, I turn back to the front and am now certain I can block every attempt of anyone trying to skip us in line.

A minute later, the man talks to us again-- trying to make friendly conversation as he probably doesn't consider anything he has just done to be rude or slightly aggravating.

Man: FROM WHICH COUNTRY DO YOU COME?

Continuing in the same fashion of not letting us get a word in he begins to rattle off a list of countries...

Man: ENGLAND??

Me: no

Man: CZECHOSLOVAKIA? (which of course is the next obvious choice.) ......FRANCE? ....GERMANY??

Me(kinda laughing now): "No, we're from America."

He nods, shakes our hand, and then trots off to probably go skip someone else in line to get done what he needs for the day.

Finally, she comes back with our papers we need, we pay her 10 rups and head out. We jump on a bus after waiting a few minutes for an auto. The bus is crowded, but it's nothing I haven't seen before. On the bus, I'm standing in the entryway, holding on to a pole deciding how I'm going to smash my way though the crowd to get to some free space. Seconds later, I feel an entire body pressed up against mine. I look back to see it's a woman who just jumped on the bus. I'm beginning to get drenched in sweat because of the humidity and lack of ventilation on the bus-- the last thing I want is another person pressed up against me. But, if you hop on a bus, that is to be expected.

I begin to stand on my tip toes as that usually puts me heads and shoulders above the rest of everyone and I feel like the air is fresher up there. Deodorant hasn't really caught on and the smells of the city aren't the most pleasant, so fresh air is usually a commodity. After that, I notice some free space at the front of the bus. I push my way to the front and try not to slam people in the face with my bags, which I'm pretty sure I was unsuccessful at. A minute or two later, the bus stops at light and groans are heard throughout. What little air was able to circulate throughout the bus when we were driving has now ceased and we are forced to cope with the reality of "85 but feels like 105". I consider getting off and walking as we aren't far from our destination, but as I began moving to the door to get off, my friend tells me that traffic is moving again. Welp, the bus driver was soon to have a bus load of angry people because he couldn't get the thing to start again! I took it as a sign. I hopped off and began walking.

With ominous clouds threatening a downpour at any minute, we hopped into auto needing him to take us the rest of the way. An auto is like a 3 wheeler with a roof on it. Kinda. Anyway, to get ready for the rain, he unravels a plastic curtain that I am to hold down to use as a shield. As we are waiting the light to turn green, the bottom fell out. Thankfully, we are only minutes away from where we need to be. I was only slightly soaked as I got out from the auto and ran under a covering.

From there, I waited about 10 minutes and then began jogging through the campus in the rain to the place I needed to go. I figured everyone will stare anyway, might as well give them a reason to.

We arrived at the office and were able to "do the needful" as they say here and began to head back out to the craziness off to our next destination. All this before 12 o'clock!

That just gives you a glimpse into what could possibly happen on any random day. Needless to say, I was exhausted when I fell into bed last night.

I got to do one of my favorite things recently-- skype with my sweet little niece and nephew. They are just too precious, and I hate having to miss these years of their lives, so I really enjoy it when I can get some face time with them.

Kate, my niece, has just turned one. She is a doll. Just beautiful. At one point, my mom, had to go help Luke go to the potty (he went pee-pee by himself!), and so she scooted Kate's little high chair up to the computer and I watched her eat breakfast. She was shoveling in the cheerios and I was just beaming. I loved it. At one point, I waved at her and she totally waved back. Smart girl.

It was a weird type of foreshadowing that got me understanding where parents come from when they talk about just wanting to watch their kids sleep. I was so content in those moments just to be there with her, talk with her about whatever, and explain that we will meet one day and be good friends.

And then, of course, I parallel this with my relationship with God. If I am really honest with myself, I'm realizing how hard it is for me to just accept his love for me. I mean, I know it in my head, but I feel like in my journey, it has become commonplace. At the end of the day, I can look back and often feel that I have failed or fallen short. This is because I think God's love depends on what I do. My subconscious thoughts-- "I shared the gospel with someone today, therefore God is happy with me." HOW does this happen?! I so know it's not even close to true.

Also, for me lately, I have been thinking not so much on where the love is coming from(God), but more so the action of love. Of all the actions a holy and perfect God could demonstrate towards us, as He has perfect right to do anything, He chose love. Unchanging, never wavering, sees everything--even the deepest recesses of my heart and unbelief, His love continually pursues and I have never done anything even remotely close to deserving it.

I think I begin to see a glimpse of this when I see how I relate to my niece and nephew. In their short little lives, they have done nothing really but be born to warrant my love. And you know what? That is enough! Kate was just sitting there in front of me, doing nothing but being Kate and I LOVED it. And, all I wanted was for Luke to talk to me. I just want to hear his precious little voice. I don't care what he says. I think he ended up telling me about his burn on his arm or how he is using the potty or the fact that he's "phree"--3.

Sometimes I think I need to become a little more child-like in my fath-- just accepting and believing the fact that He has initiated and my life is to be lived in a response to that. J.I. Packer wrote this book called "Knowing God" that I've been reading recently. Here is a little excerpt I liked about being known and loved by God.


"Knowing God is a matter of grace. It is a relationship in which the initiative throughout is with God--as it must be, since God is so completely above us and we have so completely forfeited all claim on his favor by our sins.

We do not make friends with God; God makes friends with us, bringing us to know him by making his love known to us. Paul expresses this thought of the priority of grace in our knowledge of God when he writes to the Galatians, "Now that you know God--or rather are known by God". What comes to the surface in this qualifying clause is the apostle's sense that grace came first, and remains fundamental, in his readers' salvation. Their knowing God was the consequence of God's taking knowledge of them. They know him by faith because he first singled them out by grace.

The word know, when used of God in this way, is a sovereign-grace word, pointing to God's initiative in loving, choosing, redeeming, calling and preserving. That God is fully aware of us, "knowing us through and through" as we say, is certainly part of what is meant, as appears from the contrast between our imperfect knowledege of God and his perfect knowledge of us in 1 Cor. 12:32."

As a foreigner living in India, I am constantly fighting stereotypes. Believe it or not, we western white women (say that 5 times fast) don't always carry the best name in all the world. Well because believe it or not, people actually believe what they see on 'Sex and the City' or 'Desperate Housewives' or that lovely new Kardashian show that is now airing over here to be real life. India has a very conservative culture, especially when it comes to women and living here I have become increasingly aware of how junk nasty American TV can be.

Needless to say, I do love it when I get asked questions from Indians and have the chance to clear up the misconceptions. Like when I can say, "No, not everyone in America has to enlist in the military." Or, "No, not everyone in America is skinny." Or, "Yes, I cook, clean, and drive for myself. No one does it for me."

Recently, I was asked if people in America are close with their families. She said that she had heard (and seen in the movies) that people move out from their families and don't really care to see them much. This concept is pretty much blasphemy to the ears of Indians as usually the family is the smallest unit of individuality rather than in the west where we each have our individual identity. Many times in the village (and cities, too, I am guessing) the mother's decision has a lot of weight in who the bride will be for her son. The new bride will move into the house with the in-laws and everyone will live together under one roof.

To answer, I explained to her that most people do move out of the house when they go to college or get married, but it in no way reflects on our love for our families. Rather, we are just taught that independence comes with age. When you grow up, you gotta fend for yourself, ya heard?! I think I shed a little tear when I began to talk about how much I love my family. Dang, I miss them. As of today, it's been a year and 18 days since I've seen them. And in 2 more days, I'll board a plane, travel for 20 something hours and see their sweet beautiful faces again! I really don't know how I am going to make it all those hours on a plane. I'll post a picture that we took the January before I left.


Oh, and who can forget our crazy dog, Noel? She is wonderful and I miss her soft fur and snuggles. My sweet niece, Kate Olivia, has been born since I've been gone. From what I can tell, she is the most BEAUTIFUL baby and has the sweetest disposition. Here is proof:

This past week was monumental for India. While many of you were going about your daily lives in the west, billions (yes, billions) of people were glued to their TV's for hours upon end. Why, you ask? The stinkin Cricket World Cup was happening!

I kinda hopped on the bandwaggon when India was playing Pakistan in the semi-finals. When fireworks and cherry bombs are exploding all night long and screams and shouts are heard every time a play is made, you gotta join in, right? So, join in I did. We watched the semi-final from the comfort of our flat, but decided to go out big and join the rest of the city to watch the final at the mall down the street. There is a huge flat screen television at the center of the mall and hundreds of people were crammed in there to watch everything unfold.

My understanding of the game grew thanks to my friends from England and Ireland who explained wickets, overs, and other aspects the game. Beyond being the World Cup Champion, I think the best part about India winning is how it brings everyone together. The few hours after the celebrations are the rare times where I feel comfortable with all the men around me. It gives us all a reason to be happy, and I don't have to be on the defensive with them. Everyone was celebrating and they were so happy to see the westerners join in on the celebration. Immediately after the win, people were shaking our hands, asking for pictures with us and asking how we were feeling. Glad I got to be here during a celebration of epic proportions.

Needless to say, I took a ton of pictures. Here's a bit of how it all went down...

first with the picture after the semi-finals.

A little video I shot on the street outside our flat after India beat Pakistan in the Cricket World Cup semi-finals. Things in this video are pretty calm compared to how crazy things got. My favorite is the little man who I told to wave at the camera... haha. I'm thinking he didn't speak English. Oh well! GO INDIAAA!!

It's days like today when I love the city I live in. I blame it on the pleasant spring weather and the lazy Sunday afternoon feel that the streets get when the masses of people are inside rather than out. I'm coming to find that life is just lived out in front of you here. Whether good, bad, harsh or beautiful, it will be shoved in your way without your choosing most of the time. Life here is intense to say the least, but when you take time to slow down, look around you and peel back the layers, one finds beauty in the madness. I am beginning to see it. So, today I decided to bask in the afternoon sunlight and make some neighborhood friends. Here are a few pictures of what I saw...